On the brink of madness. I examine my life and its follies. When I view the sky I want to soar high; higher than any human being has ever tried. Life. Life. Such an interesting concept. Poetic yet perverse. Quixotic and reversed.
Backwards I walk. Downhill I talk to unkempt wanderers. They tell me I am just like them. I am sure I am. In a puddle of rain water my reflection depicts sorrow. But not a typical sorrow; more of a transformative sorrow.
Hand me a drink. Make it cold, make it speak. I'd bite my own throat if I could. I'd tell everyone to stop their bitching and twitching if I thought they knew how. Stains, cannot stain me much. Fame is no longer prophetic.
How old are you? How old am I? How old does one have to be before acknowledging negativity and positivity? 18? 21? 35? 55? Maybe one hundred and five. I could not say.
When I watch old black and white movies I take something from them. I do not criticize the lack of special effects. I applaud the complete absence of any effects. Why? Because there once was a time when actors were really Actors. They meticulously honed their craft and they had great respect for each other.
I suppose respect still exists today but on a much more superficial level. Viable. Negligible. Today's actors have made a living off of ignorance. Today's human survives by blocking out all things concerning civilization.
Local news perpetuates the propaganda machine. They can't even accurately predict the weather! Death and tragedy are the biggest ratings generator. Commercials corrupt our minds and souls. They tell us to buy the latest, newest mechanism. And when we do buy it they tell us to buy more of it!
Capitalism is not Democracy. Just like the Moon is not the Sun. Sure we have fun with every little trinket and technological wonder. But eventually we stumble upon a blunder. Eventually we recycle or throw out all manufactured numbers.
Normal? Normal is a bleeding wound. Normal is a broken vase. Normal is a homeless man sleeping in the gutter. Normal is a child starving to death. Normal is paying an arm and a leg for medicine. Normal is giving up and giving in. Giving in to fascist dictatorships cleverly disguised as democratic fellowships.
Revolt! Smack away the same old dichotomies! No one is gonna' take away my sovereignty. No one being can rule over another being. A law does not make it so. Most courts sway to and fro.
Madness is beautiful. Sadness is only a byproduct. Consciousness is free and ever flowing. Life. You know what it is but you have no idea what it entails.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Keep a blog of thoughts. Keep a journal of phrases. Listen to that little voice within. To hear it means you've already won. It means that the end is not the end.
Slurp up control. Gulp down wisdom. Whatever you may want out of life will never compare to what you need out of life. Strife. Yes, strife is the catalyst. Pain is non-negotiable.
Every single second of every single moment teaches us about ourselves. I breathe in insanity. It knows me well and I know it well. I tried ignoring it but now I engender it.
We need madness. We need catalysts. We need old fashioned informality. We need to dream. We need to bleed. We need to need for eternity.
If there is an end to madness... I do not want to reach it!

You cannot fashion the world without first cracking a few eggs, skulls, bones and limits. I've pondered this plenty. Destruction can be brutal but it does make way for creation. Some might say creation can be brutal but they would be misinformed and uninspired.
When one admires a painting or any other work of art there are a myriad of conclusions one can come to. Do the colors represent madness? Do the brushstrokes mimic life's disappointments? Perhaps the artist drove himself crazy while creating it. Perhaps the artist drove others crazy while creating it. Perhaps all possibilities are valid.
I tend to agree with my own perspective; whatever it may be. I have no reason to fall for juxtaposed anecdotes. Most days I sit around the house with a pen in one hand and a dictionary in the other. Most definitions do not speak to me. I speak to them.
Before feast must come famine. I heard that in a movie once. I forget which movie but it involved a struggling artist and an egotistical womanizer. I must admit for a minute there I was rooting for the womanizer. Not because of all the sex he had but because of how honest he was with himself.
There seems to be a shortage of truly honest people. I used to think honesty was overrated but now I believe we could use more of it. It is time to bring it back!
The next time you feel frustrated or irked please remind yourself that you are most likely in the midst of a personal destruction. And destruction only clears the way for more creation. We are forever growing and evolving.
Transformation is our birthright. A burdensome birthright but an important one nonetheless. One could even say... we are all insane artists. The artists of life.

I embarked on my own spiritual journey a few years ago. Not because I was looking for answers but because I wanted to learn about what makes the Universe tick. I read a ton of books on Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism and a few lesser known ancient religious sects. I ended up feeling more perplexed than ever before but then I started to take notice of everyone and everything around me. One of the main objectives of Buddhism is to be more aware of your surroundings and learn to appreciate each moment no matter what it brings. Obviously this is easier said than done but with practice it does become easier. Another thing I realized was how interconnected we all are. Everyone and everything is truly interconnected and interdependent! There is no escaping this fact. In modern society we can ignore it and deny it all we want but it does not change our interconnectedness.

 Today, I do not ascribe to any religious denomination. It doesn't mean I don't believe in a source or creator of everything. I do believe that all of the magnificent energy that created our entire existence came from somewhere. But whoever or where ever it came from will most likely continue to allude us until we are able to set aside all egoistic constructs. It is our differences that make us uniquely strong. Each of us has our own path to follow. Each of us must respect each individual journey. And whenever we find ourselves bumping into each other we must do our best to resolve whatever conflicts may arise. If no resolution can be found then we must move on.

 There's no need to complicate things. All the details are intricately laid out before us. It is just a matter of deciding what you want out of life and taking the necessary steps. During times of stress, just remind yourself that only YOU know what's best for YOU. :-)

I let too many great loves slip through my fingers. Who knew it would all add up to this? Certainly not I. Well, I know now but now it is much too late for me to even hope to reconcile any residual feelings I may have.
I suppose if I try hard enough I could very well find that one "great" love to carry me through this screwy journey we call life. Maybe. Though, there is a part of me that does not want to succumb to such fallible nonsense. At what age should one decide to give up and let love in?
Much of the dating scene today consists of too many falsities and platitudes. No one is honest from the get go. We all try so hard to impress each other that we get caught up in superficialities. It digusts me! It really does.
Now, I am in no way proclaiming to be some sort of "love expert" but I do have much to say on the matter. I'm not going to place the blame on one sex or the other. What good would that do? We're all to blame for allowing ourselves to become so calloused. We've all abused love in one way or another.
When you think of the word Love what exactly do you think about? What images are conjured up for you? I tend to conjure up many images and memories. Some are amorous, some are very amorous. Yet, most are of my past crushes. I know it may seem typical but even I cannot escape my own romanticism.
Romance has always been undefinable. Its definition is in a constant state of flux. By which I mean it is different for each individual. Most of us are pretty familiar with the story of the hopeless romantic. And most of us never give it a second thought.
Take for example the story of Don Quixote. It is a tale that has been highly regarded as the quintessential romanticist's perspective. Don Quixote being an old man with an unsound mind sets out on a heroic journey and encounters much ridicule. He remains adamant about his quest and is convinced that his purpose in life is to help those who seek help.
I sometimes wish I could do what Don Quixote did. Though, I don't think I could ever follow through with it. Perhaps in another life in another place. Mine heart supercedes this.
We all know that love is a very real emotion; an emotion that we like to believe we can live without but ultimately cannot. Even so called serial killers and murderers seek love at some point. No human being exists completely devoid of the need for love. It's just not probable.
Yes, we can mention maniacal figures such as Hitler and the like who slaughtered millions. But we must never forget that such individuals were/are just as human as the rest of us. We cannot just write them off as "inhuman". Well, we can but we shouldn't. We must never forget that those individuals that are the hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most.
Love can be both remarkable and destructive. Some would agree with me others would disagree with me. But it is what it is because that's what it needs to be. I suppose love in its purest form is worth the trouble.
I've allowed many great loves to slip through my fingers. It is my own damn fault. If I could construct a time machine I'd probably go back and try to convince myself to be more open to love. But then I probably wouldn't listen to myself. I may even punch myself in the face.
Perhaps all I can do now is punch other people in the face and hope for the best.

“ If a writer knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water. ”

    ― Ernest Hemingway

I can no longer allow one ounce of my energy to be wasted on things like vanity, insecurity, blind relationships. I know that because I am only human I will often succumb to many energy drainers. So, I've decided to at least make a concerted effort at controlling the types of energy drainers I become involved in.

 On another note, I have my second dental cleaning scheduled for tomorrow. I must admit a part of me does not want to go but not because I am afraid or anything. Well... it is the expense that frightens me the most. But I know that I should just buck up and get the process over with.

 :-)

 All is going according to plan. Yes. Not much else to divulge at this juncture other than the fact that I am currently alternating between my painting and writing. I approach both in the same way; with pure spontaneity. To see examples of my artwork visit my art blog here: www.maniacalartist.blogspot.com

 I've uploaded two new works to the WORKS section. They are titled The Bar and Familiar Self. Please feel free to download them, read them and share them.

 :-)

 My other blogs have been receiving the bulk of my attention lately. I rarely post here because up until recently I had no viable means of connecting to the site. But just yesterday I finally got my own wireless home signal setup. I got a pretty good deal with my local cable company; at least as far as the rest of this year is concerned.

 One of my blogs, http://budhhkist.wordpress.com , was just recently nominated and awarded the Versatile Blogger Award. It is more of an honorary title than monetary. And it also serves to give a blog more exposure and viewability throughout the online blogging community.

 In other news, my sixth self published book Rufescent is now available through lulu.com. Just click on the My Published Books section of this site and you will be transported to my personal author's spotlight. I just received my own copy a couple of days ago and it turned out great. I really admire the cover design I created. I am still working on many other projects but also making sure I don't tackle too many at once. My novel Aperture seems to be slowly gaining an audience via the two chapter preview I made available for download. I am very, very close to finishing it and I suppose I am taking my time with the ending because I've grown too attached to the characters and twisted plot. Rest assured, I WILL finish it!

 I'm also reconsidering redesigning my whole site but I'm reconsidering a lot of things at the moment. For now, I like its core simplicity.

 I'll post another update soon and a few more poems/stories. Stay cool all you marvelous humans! :-)